Friday, March 27, 2009

Save Me From Myself.

Well, it is Friday and I have yet to work on my paper since returning from my parents house last week. Handsome is travelling and has been for the last couple of days. It was unexpected, but the timing is probably good, for the sake of writing.

I feel like all I am writing about lately is writing this crazy paper. I worked on it for a few (okay, okay, a couple) solid hours this morning, but I am still feeling a little manic about it all. Sometimes I love the subject and feel confident in the work I have done, other times, like this morning, I feel quite down and distressed with the amount of work that remains to be completed.

These times, of frustration and confusion, likely arise when I have put extra pressure on myself. My competitive button periodically gets pushed and then I turn into some sort of Monster, and not the cute ones from Monsters, Inc. That happened today. Its almost like I become a little Smeagol / Gollum creature from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, where the one thing I want is to do really well on this paper and I get obsessive about it and unfortunately, its counter-productive.,


Occassionally, I am able to step back and remember that my self-worth does not come from how well I do on this paper, or how well I do in any of my classes for that matter.

I am reminded that my self-worth comes from my identity in Christ. Because He loved me while I was yet a sinner. He has saved me from myself! I am saved from my competitive no-good self. I am saved from my striving and stressed-and-not-always-pleasant-or-kind-to-the-people-I-love-the-most self. I am saved from good grades and bad grades and any type of academic honors that I might desire.

Praise God for his intervention in even this small area in which I struggle!

I think this is just the kind of perspective change I need today, so that I can get back to work and not feel or think that this paper defines me or has any merit over what kind of human being I am.

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3 comments:

Q. and La. said...

You are waaaaaaaaay prettier than Gollum...

The Hobbit, THE MOVIE, is coming out in 2011, wahoo!

How long is this paper?

Kelley and Rhett said...

take deep breaths! You are an amazing writer! It will definitely come together!

jlc said...

You can do it!!

Good luck with it!! I'm pretty much procrastinating too this weekend. I have a huge presentation due in 2 weeks and just ask if i've started!! Woops!