I feel like all I am writing about lately is writing this crazy paper. I worked on it for a few (okay, okay, a couple) solid hours this morning, but I am still feeling a little manic about it all. Sometimes I love the subject and feel confident in the work I have done, other times, like this morning, I feel quite down and distressed with the amount of work that remains to be completed.
These times, of frustration and confusion, likely arise when I have put extra pressure on myself. My competitive button periodically gets pushed and then I turn into some sort of Monster, and not the cute ones from Monsters, Inc. That happened today. Its almost like I become a little Smeagol / Gollum creature from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, where the one thing I want is to do really well on this paper and I get obsessive about it and unfortunately, its counter-productive.,
Occassionally, I am able to step back and remember that my self-worth does not come from how well I do on this paper, or how well I do in any of my classes for that matter.
I am reminded that my self-worth comes from my identity in Christ. Because He loved me while I was yet a sinner. He has saved me from myself! I am saved from my competitive no-good self. I am saved from my striving and stressed-and-not-always-pleasant-or-kind-to-the-people-I-love-the-most self. I am saved from good grades and bad grades and any type of academic honors that I might desire.
Praise God for his intervention in even this small area in which I struggle!
I think this is just the kind of perspective change I need today, so that I can get back to work and not feel or think that this paper defines me or has any merit over what kind of human being I am.