I am not the best blogger I know. (Obviously, right?)
It would be a lie to tell you that I’m completely okay with that.
I would like to be a blogger that other people like to read. Or a blogger that people look forward to new posts.
I would like to be filled with entertaining stories or interesting ideas or
I would like for my blog to lead people to the Lord.
But it probably wouldn’t even be the whole truth for me to say that I want that to bring glory to Him, because I probably want to for my own glory, at least to some degree.
It would be cool to be a full time blogger. To have taken interesting pictures or have really cool stories to tell, but I probably not that interesting. Or if I am, I am not in tune with it and creative enough to get it all onto paper.
I’m not trying to be down on myself in this post in any way. I’m really trying to be completely honest with myself and with you.
When I started writing, some of my motivation was to give myself some sort of creative outlet, because the type of school I am in, doesn’t allow for much creativity. (It is times like that when I wish that I could go back and get into advertising, is that called marketing, or become a graphic designer or a painter and wear really free flowing outfits and be totally at peace with myself… but that isn’t me.) I think I was trying to write about why I started a blog… hmm. Okay, well, I think that I probably started blogging because I enjoyed reading other peoples blogs. I was reading The Pioneer Woman and My Journey Towards the Glamorous Life of A Housewife. I read the LPM blog and many others. And I wanted in on it. I wanted to be interesting, to have a story to tell.
Since I started writing I have realized I don’t have much of a unified purpose and I have lost myself trying to write things similar to what other people write about, but that isn’t me being creative or me being me. That is me, and my 25 year old self, acting like my insecure 14 year old self and following the crowd.
No great blogger ever became such by following or replicating what other somewhat popular bloggers do.
Not that we can’t take lessons from others and try and perfect their methods, but to be a great blogger, I think you have to have some unifying theme to your blog. Some purpose, and the right audience will find you.
As much as I would like to be a super spiritual, my posts make you think about the Lord more or deeper, I don’t know how that could be possible since I probably don’t spend enough time thinking about him myself. If I am honest, I probably don’t have something unique to say or a new way of looking at things.
There are a lot of things that bloggers I like have, that I do not have.
And I should realize that if I am in this, and my deepest motivation in my heart of hearts is really to bring glory to or to magnify myself over others, and other the Lord, why would anyone really read my blog. Or why would the Lord have favor on this selfish act and allow myself to glory in it.
When I made this blog private, I thought it would really allow me to think more and be more openly creative. Maybe to become better, and not at the sake of becoming well-known, since I have a very limited readership…But it has even more revealed my (sometimes) motivations of wanting to be praised or interesting… because I have a difficult time writing for myself. Or thinking that what I think I would like to write about would be interesting enough to sit other people down at their screens to read. And I think, “well, if no one is reading it, why should I write?
That is a problem. If no one is reading it, then maybe my motivations really are not right. So I’m working on this.
Oh how evil am I even in something that seems like it could be innocent.
And I’m thinking about maybe changing my blog, so that the focus isn’t only me. If I am all about writing about me, my life, my experiences, my cooking, and my materialistic wants, then what am I really writing for?
I want my focus to shift and change. And I want my motivations to be pure. That I woudn’t write for an audience of humans, but would write to be creative or to deepen my relationship with the Lord. Because my life, my writing, my thoughts and maladies, really aren’t that interesting and really probably shouldn’t and don’t matter to others.
But, I really do want my writing to matter.