Blogging Motivation.

I am not the best blogger I know. (Obviously, right?)

It would be a lie to tell you that I’m completely okay with that.

I would like to be a blogger that other people like to read. Or a blogger that people look forward to new posts.

I would like to be filled with entertaining stories or interesting ideas or

I would like for my blog to lead people to the Lord.

But it probably wouldn’t even be the whole truth for me to say that I want that to bring glory to Him, because I probably want to for my own glory, at least to some degree.

It would be cool to be a full time blogger. To have taken interesting pictures or have really cool stories to tell, but I probably not that interesting. Or if I am, I am not in tune with it and creative enough to get it all onto paper.

I’m not trying to be down on myself in this post in any way. I’m really trying to be completely honest with myself and with you. 

When I started writing, some of my motivation was to give myself some sort of creative outlet, because the type of school I am in, doesn’t allow for much creativity. (It is times like that when I wish that I could go back and get into advertising, is that called marketing, or become a graphic designer or a painter and wear really free flowing outfits and be totally at peace with myself… but that isn’t me.)  I think I was trying to write about why I started a blog… hmm. Okay, well, I think that I probably started blogging because I enjoyed reading other peoples blogs. I was reading The Pioneer Woman and My Journey Towards the Glamorous Life of  A Housewife. I read the LPM blog and many others. And I wanted in on it. I wanted to be interesting, to have a story to tell.

Since I started writing I have realized I don’t have much of a unified purpose and I have lost myself trying to write things similar to what other people write about, but that isn’t me being creative or me being me. That is me, and my 25 year old self, acting like my insecure 14 year old self and following the crowd.

No great blogger ever became such by following or replicating what other somewhat popular bloggers do.

Not that we can’t take lessons from others and try and perfect their methods, but to be a great blogger, I think you have to have some unifying theme to your blog. Some purpose, and the right audience will find you.

As much as I would like to be a super spiritual, my posts make you think about the Lord more or deeper, I don’t know how that could be possible since I probably don’t spend enough time thinking about him myself. If I am honest, I probably don’t have something unique to say or a new way of looking at things.

There are a lot of things that bloggers I like have, that I do not have.

And I should realize that if I am in this, and my deepest motivation in my heart of hearts is really to bring glory to or to magnify myself over others, and other the Lord, why would anyone really read my blog. Or why would the Lord have favor on this selfish act and allow myself to glory in it.

When I made this blog private, I thought it would really allow me to think more and be more openly creative. Maybe to become better, and not at the sake of becoming well-known, since I have a very limited readership…But it has even more revealed my (sometimes) motivations of wanting to be praised or interesting… because I have a difficult time writing for myself. Or thinking that what I think I would like to write about would be interesting enough to sit other people down at their screens to read. And I think, “well, if no one is reading it, why should I write? 

That is a problem. If no one is reading it, then maybe my motivations really are not right. So I’m working on this. 

Oh how evil am I even in something that seems like it could be innocent. 

And I’m thinking about maybe changing my blog, so that the focus isn’t only me. If I am all about writing about me, my life, my experiences, my cooking, and my materialistic wants, then what am I really writing for?

I want my focus to shift and change. And I want my motivations to be pure. That I woudn’t write for an audience of humans, but would write to be creative or to deepen my relationship with the Lord. Because my life, my writing, my thoughts and maladies, really aren’t that interesting and really probably shouldn’t and don’t matter to others.

But, I really do want my writing to matter.

P.S. Many of these thoughts have come from reading the incredible accounts of the Compassion bloggers and their trip to India. 

One of Those Days.

Today is the kind of spring day I know all too well. 

It's warm outside, but not hot. 
I have a headache that I can't seem to beat even with a lot of water, a little Advil, and soup hot soup. 
It is the kind of headache that comes from the wind and the allergies of spring. 
It is the kind of wind that doesn't ever really stop, except for that moment when you are about to go out to the car. So you make a break for it and boom, all of a sudden,  it starts up again just as you get half way between the front door and the car. 
It is the kind of wind that will cause you to  see the outside of your skirt while everyone else sees what should be hiding beneath it. 
It is the kind of wind that will have you find dirt on the inside of your ears when they tickle on the inside from the allergies and you reach your pinkie finger in to try and make it stop and out it comes with a nice film or gritty brown dirt. 
Ahhh. Spring is here.  Days of 40 degree weather (and weather much colder than that) has probably finally passed, only to return in the fall as a refreshing respite from the one hundred degree days of summer. 
But for now, prior to the beginning of summer, the wind will blow and blow. Eventually ushering in the wonderful warm nights of summer, but until then, one with allergies must stay inside. 
And staying inside is a good thing, because this is the the right kind of day for studying.
And studying is what must be done. 

Peace on the Range.

This evening, after I finished classes and Mr. R-h finished work, we went to the local driving range to hit some golf balls. 

Handsome is a great golfer. And he loves the game. Exceedingly more in warm weather than in the cold. But he really just enjoys it. And he has been talking about it and doing it quite a bit recently. I think he has been playing for something like eleven years. (I'm sure if I say something incorrect here he will ever so gently correct me about it when he reads this in the next few days.)  

I played a little as a child...meaning I took lessons, because my mom, being the great mom that she was, exposed my brother and I to many a different activity so that we might find our niche (or niches plural perhaps). I was told as a child that I had a natural swing, but it didn't matter much to me. At the time, things having to do with the outside where never my preference. As I have grown, I have come to find some peace that comes from being outside. A tranquility in my often uneasy spirit. Possibly because of the activities that I do outside clear my mind. But in these experiences, I have learned more to appreciate the beauty in the things our Lord has created for us to enjoy.  

So in college, while I was dating the now Mr., I would increasingly find myself alone on Saturday afternoons when he went golfing in the warm-ish months between Marches and Octobers. So one summer (or maybe one spring semester after I graduated and was living at home and working a very flexible job), I decided I should pick it up again. It would be a good way for me to be able to hang out with Handsome and it might even be fun to revisit something I had known a little of as a child. So I enrolled in a class at the local college and began golfing again. (To be more accurate, I began hitting range balls again). And I enjoyed it.

Now, I didn't fall in love with the sport, but its a pretty good time. And since my husband likes it sooooo much, and because I think its important to be interested in the activities the other enjoys at least to some degree, it is something we can now do together some. 

So tonight we did just that. I had a good time with my husband, my golf clubs in God's creation (that man has organized in some fashion to make it all the more enjoyable). 

And I felt so at peace afterwards.

I'm here and I'm still writing,

April Showers...(of Snow!).

This is what Mr. Ruggedly Handsome and I saw on our way to dinner last night. Ooooh. Snow in April! And I actually didn't mind the cold, because it isn't going to last for too long!

The lighting wasn't that great but you get the idea!

It snowed through our entire meal. And we could see it through the windows. I rather enjoyed our little adventure.I hope you have a wonderful weekend! 
I'm here and I'm still writing...

32 Things.

My very sweet friend Kelley tagged me for this fun post!
8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:1. Finishing School for the semester!2. Finishing the paper!3. Summer days by the pool!4. Buying a house (with a pool) for those summer days! (in our hometown!) ;)5. A vacation after graduation and the bar? 6. Making Chocolate Ganache cake with my mom!7. This weekend!8. Dinner.
8 Things I Did Yesterday:1. Went to church with my parents.2. Had lunch with Handsome's family.3. Had a heart-to-heart with Handsome.4. Rode from our hometown back to our home in the car.5. Ate some Curley Fries from Arby's. mmm mmm good.6. Hung out with my mom.7. Held a couple babies. 8. Sang some glorious Easter morning music!
8 Things I Wish I Could Do:1. Paint the walls and decorate the house.2. Buy new furniture.3. Run five miles without stopping.4. Win the tennis tournament I'm participating in, in class.5. Play the piano better than I can.6. Swim laps without getting my hair wet. :) I know its not realistic.7. Cook better and clean more regularly. (I know, I technically can do these things, but they don't happen as often as I would like.)8. Eat sugar sugar sugar without having low energy.
8 Shows I Watch: (I don't think I watch 8 shows... I'm in school still, remember?)1. Grey's Anatomy 2. House Hunters3. Food Network Challenge4. Actually, whatever is on on Food Network5. Jon and Kate plus 86. Say Yes to the Dress7. What Not to Wear8. (not really a show, but...) Hallmark Hall of Fame Movies on CBS. (This is my favorite thing to watch--catch the one this coming Sunday night!)...and I apparently do watch more shows that I realized... :S
I'm supposed to tag 8 blogs to do the same, but I don't even have 8 readers with blogs, so Laura and Brittney: Tag! You're it.

Chocolate Truffle Blizzard.

mmm. Doesn't this look tasty? (Ok, ok, this picture specifically may be lacking a little. But there is a better picture on the television commercial and all I had to work with the DQ website instead. Thank you DQ website!)
You already know, either I've told you of or you've experience first hand, my love of chocolate.  I'm wondering if this new blizzard of the month would take it to new levels. Gosh. I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to find out, because let's be real: it is only here for one month and this month is already almost 1/3 over. It just couldn't be healthy to get addicted and then to be deprived of it in such a short time. But part of me really wants to try it. And part of me thinks that it probably looks better on the commercial than it actually tastes and it would be a really good thing to know that...
 Anyhow, yesterday, I forgot how much I wanted to try this! And whenMr. Rh asked if he could take me to Baskin Robbins for a milk shake to ease my pain instead, I didn't think twice.
Now don't get me wrong... that milkshake was A-mazing. Baskin Robbins never fails to disappoint! (It was chocolate and cookies 'n' cream mixed together... and it was quite wonderful really.) But dang. I wish I had remembered to try the truffle blizzard, because I'm not sure my infrequent running would allow for the blizzard in addition to the milkshake. Not this week at least. (Especially since I don't have the money or desire to go out and buy all new jeans!) 
Maybe you can try it and let me know what you think!

And yes, I apparently post a lot about food when I'm stressed or emotional. I'm not sure when this developed, but "this too shall pass." Especially with the warm weather a'comin'. 

Another. Dinner Post. Chicken Georgia

(Update: 6:46 pm. Dinner is not going to be cooked by me tonight. I've just spent the last hour-ish, crying about my returned draft. Needless to say, Prof didn't like it. Not one bit. It apparently needs a lot of the work. So...prayers for me for the next five weeks would be greatly appreciated. And sorry for being a Debbie Downer. Or Katie Cryer I suppose.) But this recipe still looks pretty fab if you ask me. Or Paula. :)
So I know I have been posting a lot about dinner lately (well, two nights in a row), but I'm just gonna go ahead and do it again. Thats three nights of (actually) cooking at home!
I have had a relaxing morning this morning and I saw Paula Deen make this recipe that looks fabulous: Chicken Georgia. And thought its somewhat similar to what I made Monday night, I think I'm gonna make it later today.
It is so simple and it looks really delicious! recipe courtesy of foodnetwork.com

Ingredients

• 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
• 4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
• 1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons minced shallots
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 4 ounces grated mozzarella cheese 

Directions

Melt butter over medium heat. Add mushrooms and shallots and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook 10 minutes. Add chicken and cook 10 minutes on each side, or until tender. Transfer chicken to platter and sprinkle with grated cheese. Top with mushroom mixture. Cook and let stand 5 minutes or until cheese melts.

Another Meal Post. Burgers in our Backyard!

Tonight Mr. Ruggedly Handsome is grillin' like a villain', or perhaps I mean Bobby Flay. What a perfect solution for enjoying our uncharacteristically nice weather (lately, it's been in the 40's or something absurd!). 
I love, love, love it when he grills. So much deliciousness. I'll likely post photos later. (Update: Totally forgot to take pictures before I scarfed the meal down. Bummer.) 
Hamburgers, with cheese, lettuce, pickles, and and I'm gonna slice up a tomato to salt and pepper on the side (and on the burger, too). Can't wait. If I would have been on my game I would have sauteed (don't know how to spell it) some onions, but alas, I went for a run to relieve some stress. Dinner will be wonderful either way.
My husband spoils me. 

The Middle of the Early Morning.

It is 4:56 in the morning. I have been awake reading blogs since about 4:36. I was awake for a while before that but I didn't want to get up yet. I imagine I'll go back to sleep here in a little while...but I think I need to be more tired when I go. 
I woke up burning up and sweating... I tried to cool myself down with water, fewer blankets, taking off layers, but I just couldn't find a combination that worked. Possibly because I think I was actually really cold! Or something strange and perhaps, covering my head would have been the solution.  Because right now I have on sweat pants and a sweat shirt with a blanket wrapped around me and I'm still cold! I'm thinking about getting up off the couch to go retrieve the beanie I keep by the bed, but I don't want to disturb my sleeping husband.
I'm glad that I started reading blogs at one point because it gives me something to do in the middle of the night when I am having difficulty sleeping. And I'm encouraged in my faith by the blogs I read. I'm encouraged in my cooking and homemaking too. I'm encouraged in the day-to-day activities of bloggers lives. I'm encouraged in my marriage. And I'm glad to have some sort of creative outlet too. 
P.S. Dinner was alright--I think I will make this again. It was close to fabulous, but I think I used too much lemon juice. I didn't have a fresh lemon, but I have this fabulous lemon juice that Handsome purchased for our Tilapia marinade, so I decided to just guesstimate how much juice would come out of one lemon! And essentially, I think I just used (entirely) tooooooo much. Other than a little bit of unnecessary tang, I think it was a decent meal and would likely be better if I tried it again. Mr. Rh even saved the remainder for lunch today. 
P.P.S. I think it was my first ever attempt at cooking with wine. I was a little nervous (because I rarely even drink wine... so I was thinking I might not like the flavor or that I might do something wrong) but it wasn't nearly the wild adventure I had anticipated and I just might try it again too because I'm not as intimidated now. 

Dinner.

I'm going to make The Pioneer Woman's Chicken Scallopini  for dinner tonight...
mmm.
Can't wait. 
But shhhh.
Don't tell Handsome.

So Much To Be Thankful For.

I feel a little bit accomplished... Handsome and I had a really nice weekend.
And I'm gonna say it was all the Lord. He took away my stress and anxiety about homework. I was able to just spend time with Handsome and enjoy being around him. I didn't let my weekend to-do list rule me (which is why probably only 3 or 4 of the 14 or 15 tasks I had listed were completed)... but I looked for it this afternoon as I was headed to school to study and I couldn't find it. 
And not only can I not find my actual to-do list, but I can list the things I did that I am thankful for:
1. Dinner with a sweet friend and her hubby.2. A quiet Saturday night with an old movie and a bit of basketball.3. Playing racquetball with Handsome.4. A sweet nap after church this morning.5. Some delicious Mexican food for lunch one day. 6. A new suit for school, that actually fits well!7. A nice long drive out of town for dinner Friday night. 7. No harsh words spoken.8. Lots of rest!9. A little laundry finished.10. My pending deadline met which frees up Monday morning and afternoon to get ahead on  for reading for the upcoming week.11. A slightly sweetened passion iced tea. 12. A shelter from the wind.13. A husband who sits with me and checks on me when I had some sort of coughing fit that made my chest and throat hurt.14. One of my best friends is about to become an aunt and I love hearing her joy!15. One gray hair, that is actually quite white.