Thursday, July 23, 2009

He Saves Me From My Distress.

I have had a difficult time the last week-ish. I had a fairly major stress situation in my "practicum." I cannot share many of the details with you on my blog (for many reasons), but I definitely can tell you a little about what was going on in my heart and mind.

Essentially, a "situation" came up. (How do you like that for detail?) It involved a few, actually I will say several individuals other than myself. Each individual had a role to play in the "situation." It has been on-going basically all summer, but everything began to culminate since last Tuesday or Wednesday.

And I had known all along what could happen. The only problem was that there were probably 12 different "coulds" or potential outcomes, if you will, and all along I imagined that one of the first 11 would happen. The 12th was so far out of my idea of what might happen that I didn't spend much time concerned with it. (I hope I am being clear enough that you are following me.)

Until Wednesday. And that day I realized that we were headed straight on a narrow path along the side of a mountain to number 12. Against all of my hopes, desires, training, dreams, education, life experiences, and strengths. I felt like some sort of cow trying to keep up with a Goat that climbs rocky mountainous terrain for a living...

Or maybe just a baby goat, but you get the picture!

And I was on the path, not by choice or desire, but because of an obligation to one of the individuals involved, who actually had all of the decision making power about turning back or continuing on.

Now whether I was the baby goat and I was just learning, or whether I was the cow and was completely in the wrong area, where I definitely should not have been (like Simba in The Lion King when he went to the Elephant Graveyard), that determination was never made.

And that is because I'm no longer on the path to 12. That individual, and another individual with some degree of power and control over the situation, wanted to turn back. To essentially get on a larger, less steep and risky path. She decided that for her, one of the knowns in 1-11 was actually better than continuing on along the side of the mountain.

This situation I was in, that would have affected my life a great deal over the next probably eight weeks, was out of my control. I had some ability to influence or encourage, but the ultimate decision was not up to me. And I can't honestly say that I did not struggle with it. (Oops, double negative, I'll be more clear:) I struggled and struggled with it. I felt like my faith was tested. My patience was tested. My sleeping was interfered with, because I was awake at night thinking about 1-11 and how to talk someone not me our of 12. Or how to cut the rope that was connected to me if we were supposed to keep going to 12. So I struggled, I cried, I complained (I know its bad), I lost sleep, I prayed, I read the Bible, and I asked for help from others both in the form of empathy and advice. And even though this challenging time only lasted for the "night" (the weeping lasts for the night), I felt like it was a really long one. And Praise be to God who delivered me from my distress. Who saved me from the situation. Who answered me in my cry for help, my cry for mercy.

HE is faithful.

And I know if this decision to back down the mountain and opt for the safer, less adventurous, but more secure path down had not been made, HE would still be faithful. And He would have had a plan for me in the midst of my struggle.

But I am filled with JOY that this was not that circumstance. And I will be thrilled beyond belief when it is made official in the day after this one.

Monday morning, before I left to go to school and immediately before the time when the decision could have been made, I reached for my Bible and turned to Psalm 20, (because Monday was the 20th and sometimes when I don't know where to go in a day, I go to a Psalm or Proverb that has the same number as the days date...) And I must tell you... I felt so reassured by it that I want to share it with you now.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

How good is our God?

I'm here. And I'm still writing...


Brittney Galloway said...

Hmmm, Very confusing, lol. But I think it sounds like God worked it out. I think.

Kelley said...

YEAH! I'm so happy for you!